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While I was reading Book Two of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, entry 14 I summarized it like this: "The length of our life doesn't matter, the quality of it does." Marcus reminds us that a life can be three years or thirty, the only thing we lose is the life we are living. Feeding the light wolf ensures a life well lived, while feeding the dark wolf ensures the opposite. And since we don't have any more time in the past, and time in the future doesn't belong to us, the

My ego is a complicated beast. It is in me to help me, but unwittingly, at times, it hurts me. My ego is the light wolf and the dark Wolf. As you can read more about in my post titled "I Am The Wolf." But I wanted to go into more details about that in this post. My ego gives me the confidence to do hard things and to get outside my comfort zone. It makes me believe that I can overcome obstacles and yet at the same time it is the obstacle. "The impediment to action adva

Last week I went to the barber and I had two thoughts upon leaving: 1) Men should go to a barber 2) Men should go to the doctor Let me unpack these thoughts a little. 1) Going to the barber matters. Men deserve a little man-pampering. The half hour or so that I sit in the chair getting my haircut is a half hour or so that is dedicated only to me. It's relaxing, and it's refreshing. And if you find a barber with whom you have some common interests it's even better! I'm

In my writing I refer often to a light wolf and a dark wolf both of which are inside of me. Without the light wolf there is no dark wolf and because of that I am the wolf . Here is the parable about which I am speaking: An old Cherokee Indian chief was teaching his grandson about life. He said, "A fight is going on inside me," he told the young boy, "a fight between two wolves. The Dark one is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, re

As my depression has progresses, I notice that I say 'no' to my children more and more often. When we go to stores, my kids ask me for things that they don't need and I find myself getting really frustrated. I hate saying 'no' to my kids so when they ask me for things that they don't need, that we can't afford, or that we just don't want to spend our money on I tell them 'no' and while this might be considered by some as "good parenting," it makes me feel like a crappy dad.

This world is going to hell in a handbasket. I am having a hard time finding a way to get through my days in a good way while so many bad things are popping up on my news feed. From the Ukraine-Russia conflict, the Palestine-Israel conflict and now ICE agents killing white women in America. One morning, I was sitting in front of my campfire waiting for the water to boil so that I could try to enjoy a coffee I was struggling with the fact that I don't know what this world h

I feel like there could/should be a book about Parenting Through Depression...especially for Father's. It's probably the hardest, and the worst, part about living with Major Depressive Disorder. Not having the patience for your own children is a terrible feeling. There are times when I find myself screaming and even swearing at my children and while I'm right in the middle of it I have this out-of-body experience where I see myself screaming at my kids all the while I'm as

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how important it is for men to go to therapy.  I think everyone  should be in therapy.  Not because everyone is going through a mental health crisis, but because I think having a better understanding of our thoughts and emotions is never going to hurt us.   I think a lot of men don’t go to therapy because they’re scared, and I think men have been conditioned to believe that being scared is a weakness.  In order to be a “man,” men have to

It was about this time last year that I went to my doctor because I thought I needed time off from work because I was suffering from burnout.  “You’re not burnt out, you have depression,” he said to me.  I didn’t get time off work, instead I got a prescription for anti-depressants.  I  wasn’t thrilled with that, but we had to try it his way before he gave me time off work.  I used the antidepressants and in April things got worse and he gave me time off.  Before going back to

This is one of my favorite quotes. It's from Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and to me it is the crux of the Stoic Philosophy. It isn't saying not to feel injured, because there are times when we will feel injured, and that's okay. But we have to let that feeling go so that our feelings of injury disappears. It demonstrates that while we can't control the way we are treated by others, we can control the way we let them affect us...and we don't have to let them affect us. I

Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is something that I struggle with every day, but it does not define me. Depression is something I have to deal with, but it is not who I am. There are days when I feel really down, and I have to work through suicidal ideation, and sort through a lot of rage, and hate, and sadness, but that is not who I am. My depression is getting in the way of who I want to be, but when I start talking about being depressed, that's when it's going to win. I